A Letter from my Cat Kiki

I found the following letter from my cat, Kiki:

Dear Woman-who-opens-cans,
I understand you have been writing about me and posting my pictures in cyperspace. I trust you realize you have done so without my permission. Is it true that you ridiculed a recent hunting expedition of mine? And I also understand you have been talking about my recent illness, bandying it about for the entire world to know. I do not mind so much when you say I've lost weight,but I take offense when you describe my fur as being "three-toned." I don't know if you've looked in the mirror carefully, at your own hair - "three-toned" suits you better. I have long-forgotten the original color of your hair. And talk of weight, I wish I could say that you've lost weight. Au contraire I detect some puffiness around the middle, probably from all the lokum sweets you stuffed yourself with in Turkey. Shame on you.

I will, for now, let this matter go, but I give you fair warning that I may not be so patient the next time it happens and will take proper legal action.

Truly Yours,
Kiki