Wednesday, November 21, 2007

OOO - LA - LA, ANOTHER BIRTHDAY! Some Jokes to Make you Smile

Here's a birthday card that I got that made me laugh:

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Here's an excerpt from Louie Nacorda's email that mentions St. Cecilia, my patron saint:
The church is different from where her incorrupt body (all of 1,300 years!)
was found in its "just died" condition. The body was dug out from one of
the tombs inside the catacombs of St. Callistus. It was removed to a more
fitting church inside the walls of old Rome but the spot where she was
found was given a life-size carara marble statue of how she looked when she
was found. A Christian to the end, her fingers were all pointed to form the
roman numeral 3, one index finger one the right and the index and middle
finger on the left. It was said that she died slowly after her throat was
slit. Being noble, the executioner did not have the courage to cut off her
head so she laid down bleeding to death, her face wrapped with a cloth. As
of her last living testimony to the Holy Trinity, she used one finger to
signify the Oneness of God, and the two other fingers to signify the Three
Divine Persons in One God. And she was only 15 years old.

All of a sudden, the St. Cecilia that I find rather pedestrian because I
would see her glorified framed stampa where she is playing the organ and
with a chorus of three angels singing behind her, atop every piano in
middle class houses of my youth. Now, after knowing how she died and how
her incorrupt body was preserved by God, St. Cecilia, Virgin and Martyr,
has become so real, so marvelous and so beautiful to me. You should foster
devotion to her because not only is she your namesake and patroness but she
is also the patroness of sacred art, specially music, and you are an artist
albeit in literature. Art lang gihapon.

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My friend, Med Villanueva, sent these:

HOW TO FEEL SMARTER:

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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