DIARY OF MY CAT, KIKI - #2

Dear Diary,
Sometimes I feel I have a cold heart. I know that the Man and Woman, and their Sons do their best to please me, but I generally look at them with contempt, except of course when I am hungry and have to suck up to them. But in general I use them. It's a fair trade: they feed me, and I'm cute.

I didn't always belong to the Man and Woman, but belonged to their oldest Son. I heard them talking once that I was the runt in my family, and the Son got me when I was very young and weak. He bottle fed me. Life was all right then although it was boring because he'd leave me at home all day. Then one day, he whisked me up and put me in a box and brought me to the Man and Woman's house. I was to stay there. It didn't seem too bad of a place - they had the room, they had a garden, and they even had a cat door so I could come and go. The problem was that they had this old dour white cat who hated me. I simply could not understand how she could be so mean to me; she should have mothered me. I was so cute. Then I understood that she was jealous of me - it was as simple as that. She hissed when I was near her, and she whacked me with her paws. In the beginning she frightened me very much and I used to cower under the chairs and tables. The Woman would pick me up and console me, and better yet, she would spank the white cat for being mean to me.

Later I realized that the white cat was old and slow. I learned to come up behind her and quick hit her with my right paw, then run fast so she didn't even know what hit her. I got my revenge this way.

This white cat was my nemesis. It gave me pleasure to see her punished for being cruel to me. Then one day they brought her to the cat-doctor and she had to have her ears cut. She had growths or something. And the worse part was that the Man and Woman moved her to their upstairs bedroom and I was forbidden to go up there. This was the lowest point of my life. I learned about bitterness and anger and my heart turned so icy and brittle I thought it'd crack.

I snubbed them. I went out all day. I found neighbors to feed me. They thought I was abandoned, and they gave me food and water and I could even sleep in their patio. But in the evening I returned to remind the Man and Woman that I was still alive and that I hated them. On several occasions I pissed on the carpet, but the Man caught me and rubbed my nose on the pee-stain and threw me out of the house - so I decided that wasn't the best tactic.

It was really best to be cool and calculating, to use them and never to kowtow to them. That's how I acquired my cold heart.

Remembering all this is upsetting to me so this is all I'll say about this matter. Oh - the white cat, she died one day and things got better for me, but I still feel resentment now and then.

Kiki

DIARY OF MY CAT, KIKI - #1

Dear Readers, look what I discovered hidden under the kitchen cabinet - my Tuxedo cat's diary. Let's see what she wrote today:
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Monday, March 2, 2009

At 6 a.m. I was hungry and as much I detest begging, I had to go to the upstairs bedroom of the Man and Woman. I jumped up their bed - let me say that again - I clawed up their bed. I have some arthritis now and it's not so easy to leap and jump, but I can dig my claws into their comforter and drag myself up. Then, right away, she grabbed me and hugged me close to her. Frankly I can't stand all that closeness; the claustrophobia gets to me, but I try to be patient and let her hold me tight. In five minutes, she has to change position in bed, and she relaxes her hold on me, and I slip away. The Man does not grab me, and I much prefer sitting on his lap or on his chest, but this morning he's fast asleep. She's awake though and is my only hope for getting fed this early. I proceed to lick my fur, fuss-fuss-lick-lick, so she knows I'm hungry. By 7, she finally drags herself down to the kitchen. I race downstairs, leading the way in fact. I made a zigzag going down, and raced to my plates and sat there, staring at yesterday's old food. Dear God, I prayed, don't let her mix new food with that. Fortunately, she picked up my food plate and she washed it. Then she scrutinized the array of food she has for me: Fancy Feast, Friskies Classic Pate, Friskie's Slice, and Chicken by the Sea tuna. The latter is for people, but she likes to give this to me now and then. Sometimes she mixes the people-tuna with the canned food, and sometimes she doesn't. She does funny things with my food. Sometimes she puts a raw egg in it; often she pours a bit of Extra Virgin Olive Oil in it; and she also puts some Immugen and Glucosamine in the food. Sometimes, the taste is God-awful, but sometimes I'm just so hungry that I go ahead and eat the food she seves.

This morning it's Fancy Feast with raw egg and Olive Oil -yuck, double-yuck, triple-yuck, but I ate some of it anyway just because I was starving. For that awful breakfast though I swore I'd snub her the entire day.

It was a cloudy day but I sat outside on the steps. It's nice to sit here especially when it's a sunny day. I can lay around and lick myself and nap. There's a spiral staircase outside and right on the fourth or fifth step is where I like to rest. When the sun is up, the wrought iron staircase gets nice and warm and it's heavenly laying out there. This morning it was chilly but to punish her, I lay outside anyway - I don't mind Fancy Feast, but to ruin the flavor with raw egg is criminal.

At noontime, it started to drizzle and I had no choice but to go in. I had to be extra quiet and I lay on the Man's chair in the den, hoping she wouldn't notice, otherwise she'd grab me again to squeeze and stroke me. I don't mind a bit of this lovey-dovey stuff, but too much makes me want to barf.

Kiki